What I’ve Learnt About Age Gap Relationships

My name is Alex, I’m a 27 year old gal from NZ and I’m in a committed relationship with a man who is 22 years older than me – Milan. The relationship is amazing, full of so much love, respect, and with deep commitment to open communication.

Listen In: The Sister Spiel Episode 2 – Age Gap Relationships

How we met

I met Milan when I was employed to be the Nanny for his children. Over those 5 years we built a really solid friendship with each other and ended up spending a lot of time together. We were looking after the kids, in the COVID lockdown, and we even travelled to Japan for a month. We have a very similar sense of humour and just had fun together. I remember thinking how random it was that I was such good friends with a 40 something year old dude, but he just has such a young, vibrant energy about him.

At that time, it was nothing more than a friendship, although subconsciously, I think I always loved him deep down. Not that I ever allowed myself to even think like that as we were both in other relationships! When the nannying job came to an end, I had just ended my current relationship and I moved out of my home town to try and start a new life down in the south island. Milan and I kept in touch over that time, and we’d check in on each other constantly.

Falling in love

A few years later, we found ourselves in the position of both being single again. I’d moved back home as the job down south wasn’t for me and we caught up a few times. For me, something changed – it was almost as if the penny had dropped. I realised that the feelings I had towards him were a hell of a lot stronger than I anticipated. And before I knew it, I fell in love with him.

I tried so hard to ignore those feelings, as I knew that being together would be complicated. I even worked with my therapist a lot! Ultimately, the love I had for him won over my feelings of doubt and worry and so I chose to listen to my heart and go for it. Everything felt so natural from the beginning and we were just drawn to each other, the feelings of lust were powerful and the passion unmatched. We grew closer and started to navigate life together and tried to ignore the external judgement and opinions of others. We knew what we had a that it was worth it.

Fast forward almost 3 years we’re living together and have built a life together. Our friends and families have been amazingly supportive of us. Time has shown them that we genuinely love each other and there is nothing more to it than that.

Do people judge age gap relationships?

In a word: yes! Partnerships where there’s a significant difference in age tend to raise eyebrows and spark curiosity. Hey, I get it! Who doesn’t love a scandal? Especially one regarding somebody else’s relationship! In the early days, I definitely felt the judgement of others a lot more, but now I don’t notice or care because it is just so normal to me. Historically, age gap relationships have been met with skepticism or even disapproval. However, societal attitudes are evolving as people recognise that love and compatibility are not confined by age. Increasingly, individuals are embracing the idea that happiness in relationships is defined by emotional fulfilment rather than adherence to societal norms.

Although some people were quick to judge, they’ve realised that it’s just like any other relationship! The age gap truly doesn’t matter if your values align and if you are at similar (ish) life stages. Age gap relationships are actually on the rise in NZ because single people in 2024 are less inclined to follow the traditional rulebook for dating. Some of our friends are also in relationships with the same age gap as us, so it feels so normal now. So, if you haven’t met your person yet, you should consider setting your age bracket on the dating apps higher (or younger).

Age gap relationships: Myths and stereotypes

Of course the whole ‘sugar daddy’ narrative came up, which I find so funny. People used to say to me ‘wow, I guess he must be loaded’ and I mean don’t get me
wrong, a 48 year old may be more financially set up than someone my own age, sure. But like I always joke with my partner that there are richer men in the world, and he certainly knows I’m not just with him for his money.

Another stereotype I’ve had is that I must have ‘daddy issues’. I find this one super funny because that could not be further from the truth. I grew up with a very present and supportive father who empowered me to trust my decisions and go for what I want. When I told him about Milan and I, he was supportive and happy for us.  Something I’m so grateful for as I feel most fathers would not react in the same way!

What about the sex?

One question I get asked a lot is about the sex. What’s it like? How frequent is it? Is it better with someone older? Do you call him Daddy in the bedroom? Trust me – I’ve had it all! We both bring different things to the table, with age comes experience, and when it comes to sex, this is certainly not a bad thing! Having an experienced partner certainly makes sex a lot more pleasurable and intense, and for him, having a younger partner means I am very open to exploring and trying new things in the bedroom. And no, there are no little blue anythings involved- yet!

The one thing I really want people to know about age gap relationships is that they can be just like any other relationship. It really isn’t rocket science and I truly believe  love comes in many shapes and sizes. Society tells us how love ‘should’ look: man meets women, they get married, have kids and the white picket fence. But for years now people have proven time and time again that love is love. No matter what. And we’re no different to that. I have never been happier than I am with Milan. We have so much fun together. We love our life, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.